Well I pretty much beat myself up all weekend for losing focus. Today is where I get myself back on track. It is entirely pointless in delaying any longer.
I don’t know why food and food choices are such a problem for me. I am to have 4 healthy meals a day, not for any reason other than that’s what I will need to keep satisfied. If I can also get back to cycling everyday I should be onto a winner.
Time to give myself a shake. Lets see how long this lasts!
Well it’s been an eventful few weeks and I must cut to the chase – I’ve lost only two pounds! While I get over the initial disappointment it dawns on me that I have full responsibility for not doing better. When I analyse a bit more I just thought the gastric band would take away the thinking so that when I lapse in will power or weight loss zeal it will be there prodding my insides telling me to get a grip…well I come crashing down to reality in that the band just ain’t that clever.
So where am I at? I am still getting fills and i think i’m getting close to a sweet spot at the delight at both myself and my fill nurse. My fill nurse Sam is lovely, and I mean lovely, she has so much patience and positivity, I actually look forward to seeing her each time and she is super hot too which is a bonus. I started a new job recently with a company that offered me a package too good to turn down. I loved where I worked previously but not enough to deprive myself of a huge spike in disposable income so half begrudgingly I left and I have never looked back since. Just being happy in my work has had a massive positive improvement to my eating habits but I’m struggling with some personal issues which I can’t bring myself to share with you lot (for now at least). Nevertheless, my weight loss and exercise regime has been shit and I need to give myself a shake and sort it out.
I am currently at just over 9ml in a 14ml band and each half mil now I can feel so It must have only just started constricting my stomach. Sam has reassured me that it can take a long time of small adjustments to get to a point of restriction. I have to trust her as it hasn’t been too forthcoming. At the moment bread is pretty much impossible to eat without it getting stuck. When it gets stuck, I will be honest with you, it fucking hurts like hell! Your oesophagus is naturally contracting food through the hole and when it gets stuck my throat uncontrollably tries to force it through, soon saliva builds up and also just adds more to what it needs to push through so quickly ascends into a battle against time to get the bolus of food up and out – I do this in a similar way to a snake dislocating its jaw. It’s hard to explain but I open my mouth and kind of roar like a lion and it usually pops into my mouth covered in gruesome clear mucus which I spit out. It might take two or three attempts for the pain to subside. It’s really weird though as the same volume of food one day could slip through unnoticed and cause all manner of pain the next. It really is a sneaky bugger.
My portions are getting smaller and it is working. My food choices are shit, I can’t be arsed to make a packed lunch and nearly always end up trotting along to the shop on the business park for a pasty or sandwich for my lunch. I struggle to eat breakfast usually as I am still putting my shirt and tie on as I get in the car but also I just can’t face eating that soon (5 minutes) after getting out of bed.
So what am I going to do about it? Well with my new job I finish at a suitable time which should allow me to get out on my bike, even for Half an hour, I think something is better than nothing. The next thing I’ve done is cleared all processed carb laden food from my cupboards (this was emotionally difficult trust me) to make room for things that I like but know have a low chance of me binging on them. I need to drop another 5 stone and am determined to do it, while I haven’t gained the 5 I’ve lost am not stopping at this weight. I want a half decent body that I’m not ashamed to be the owner of.
Let’s hope I can keep this up. Thanks for staying with me.